Apprehensive

So, I am getting a little apprehensive about starting my job back up after maternity leave.  I’ve been off since the weekend baby boy was born, and I’m VERY torn over going back.  I start back up on Thanksgiving week, and my work is REALLY excited to get me back.  I’ve already got an office waiting for me (didn’t have one when I left) and curtains on the door as well as a lock so I can pump for my munchkin.  I chose to go back on Thanksgiving week because I thought that three days of work and two days of vacation would be a good segue into working full time, 9-5 Monday through Friday.  Take three and call me in the morning.

On one hand, there’s the fact that I have a job that I love(d) and loved me back, paid me well, and was really what I wanted to do.  The money will help us to continue along our Debt Snowball and get rid of our remaining (large) school loans and hopefully our mortgage (that will take longer)  as well as make day to day life just, well, easier.  Incredibly, we can afford for me to stay home on Sam’s paycheck, it’s just tight and we’re really terrible at budgeting.  This could potentially be something I can go back to when Finn goes to school.  I don’t want to burn any bridges, you know.

On the other hand, there’s this guy—

 

 

 

 

who needs my love and devotion every day. He’s just starting to come into his own, and I cringe thinking of the things he’s going to start doing and I won’t be the first person to see them.  Sam already wishes he could be a  multimillionaire so he can stay home with us too.  On top of that, there’s comfort in knowing that I have a built in group of mommies that I can plan things with.  Rachel, Sarah and Tricia… who are encouraging and loving mommies with babies of their own.

So, needless to say I’m on the fence.  I have prayed and prayed about this, and for now, going back to work is what seems to be the answer.  It’s really hard to quiet my heart and listen to exactly what the Lord wants from me.  So, I’m planning on going back full time while Finn is in excellent hands (Nanny and Aunt Jess) and see where the road leads.  If I cry non stop for the first week, maybe this isn’t what I’m supposed to do, or maybe I’ll just need to buck up.  Either way, thank the Lord, my husband is with me all the way.

 

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This entry was published on November 10, 2010 at 8:10 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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